Feb 28, 20223 min read

Journal #150

I hope a day would come...

when all of us could meet again.

2021 was tough and hard.

Also at PEAI.

But who helped me endure this situation was my friends.

'Friends'

Friend: a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

My meaning of 'friend' is more than this.

This is what I wrote for my journal homework this week.

I hope all of you read this whole thing, even if it's long.

I hope all of you can understand my feelings.

Promt (FYI): Take a moment to reflect upon your first day in grade five. How have you changed since the start of fifth grade?

What I wrote:

My first day of fifth grade was actually like a normal day at PEAI. This was because when we started the new year, there were not a lot of changes of the students in the class. We were already familiar with each other since 4th grade. There were three new students. But we got familiar with each other soon. So on the first day actually, I honestly didn’t expect much of this year; since the start of the year was zoom, I thought the end would be zoom too.

But the end was different. My friends wouldn’ have known, but my end of 2021 PT1 was full of tears and memories. I had the yearbook in one hand and present that my friend gave to me in another. I was full of so much loneliness that I won’t get to see them in 6th grade. I had also a sense of regret that I didn’t choose the “safe” way to get into the same class as the friends since 5th grade.

Now, I do not regret anymore.

Other classes-it might be great, and it is, but I decided to depend on the future, not the past anymore. I am always emotional in memories and experiences I had my whole life, especially at PEAI. I felt so many emotions leaving my best friends in my whole life, that I CAN NOT SEE THEM AGAIN. I hoped so ardently we could meet someday. I still imagine my friends at PEAI, all of them, since 2nd grade-meeting them altogether in one place. That's what I thought a lot.

I think it was especially because there were a lot of going in and out of this class last year. Many people went out-even when we started with 12, the classmates’ numbers kept on decreasing until they went down and down. I was really depressed at that time. I still have their phone numbers and gmail addresses, but I am so scared to contact them. I always think of others' thoughts. ‘Would they even remember me?’ ‘Would they think of me as a good friend?’, ‘What might be a good friend to others?’

I think of this.

'What is the friend that others want? How is it different from me?'

I sincerely don’t know why others do not feel these emotions at the end of everything.

I first thought of these emotions after a friend, A^n^ Kim went out of our class. (Privacy^^) she wrote in her blog post.

‘I had no choice. I had to give up PT1.’

This made me… sad. I couldn’t believe that one of my best friends, the friends that I really loved and adored could go.

I of course could understand her- I was almost in a situation like her. But I couldn’t accept that fact.

We all started with a feeling that we’d all go together. That we’ll be friends forever and ever and ever. We promised we could meet up in middle school. But real life was different. I… I didn’t want to let my friends go.

To conclude, my feelings from 5th grade start and end were really differing.

I miss all of you.

I'm probably saying it the millionth time.

But I'm sincere.

I miss you.

I miss you

I miss yo

I miss y

I miss

I mis

I mi

I m

I mi

I mis

I miss

I miss y

I miss yo

I miss you

I miss you.

Friendships never end.

Friendships never end

Friendships never en

Friendships never e

Friendships never

Friendships neve

Friendships nev

Friendships ne

Friendships n

Friendships